What the Heck am I Doing?

Unchartered territory. Staying at home full time for that mom gig wasn't what I imagined I’d be doing with two babies only 1 year apart in age. I mean, I do have a job that I love, and am still working from home. But not being a SAHM is why I pay for preschool. Nonetheless, here I am. Here WE are, guys.

I literally flip-flop between two people. I am either the happiest mother on earth, or I am the most frustrated person you've ever met. The frustrated Amanda only lasts for about 10-30 minutes. It's when no one is listening to me, everyone is crying, and I look around and realize how messy my house is. Then the kids take a nap/go to bed, and I realize I can fix a lot of the messes.

The happy-as-a-mother person is real. It's 100% raw, real, true and happy love. I let my kids crawl all over me while I do my back stretches on the floor. I feed my baby peas from a can on a spoon even though he can feed himself. I’m kvelling every time he almost takes his first steps. I know he’ll take them any day now and I video him constantly hoping I’ll grab it just in time so I can send it to everyone who knows him.

Meanwhile, I saw someone’s Facebook post that said “bad moments don’t make bad moms” and that made me feel better. I almost needed that breath of air desperately when I saw it and then I immediately could breath again. I’m mostly feeling guilt for the amount of YouTube my kids are watching (Elmo, Cocomelon, clips from The Sound of Music, their teachers channels with songs from preschool circle time) but then I remember that Passover is almost here, and I’ll have days with them- literally like 5 solid days- to bond and sing IRL... not needing to rely on Julie Andrews.

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1_WL3eVSlSfLbUztybumdHXWd7X4m-bQk

Comments

Screen Time in the Meantime

I am constantly bombarded by reading and hearing about parents who feel guilt for letting their kids have too much screen time over the last few months. I am not talking about zoom learning and home school setups that involve your child being in front of a screen. I am referring specifically to the amount of time we let our toddlers and children watch youtube, Netflix and Disney+. While the #momguilt (okay, and #dadguilt) may feel real sometimes, it's no lie that screen time helps us all get through the day. However, I am constantly battling this cacophony back and forth in my own head that while it's giving me a slice of "time-off" to do other things while my kids watch TV, I am also feeling dumber every time I hear the theme song to Blue's Clues. Before the era of COVID, my kids were basically in daycare all day and screen time was limited to Sundays and sick days. We were cool with that; it served a purpose and didn't feel too overwhelming, guilt-provoking

Scheduling My Sanity

I have found that there are two kinds of moms out there. Those who care about sleep schedules, and those who don't. We can break it down even further though, if we separate naps from nighttime. I have been a stickler for naps and bedtimes since day one with both of my children, and I have never benefitted from it more in their lives than I have during the COVID stretch. Of course, when I had one baby I could do errands around lunch time and know that she'd sleep in the car, in the stroller, wherever we went. But as she got more routinized out of infancy, those car naps were harder to sustain. Kids can sense when the car comes to a stop or when the engine shuts off. I enrolled my daughter in daycare at 10 months where they quickly trained her to take one nap a day. That blocked out time was sacred to us on the weekends - to keep her on schedule, and provide us with some much needed downtime - I mean, I was already pregnant with my second on the way and the sleep couldn't b

The Cleanest Kids Since COVID19

Bath time with my two babies simultaneously. It's always been a struggle for me. #twoundertwo "Just throw them in the tub!" "Give them a bath to pass the time!" "Oh, just let them play in there, it's so much FUN!" These are frequent lines from people (people who aren't me) that have not actually witnessed my baby being body-slammed by my toddler in an innocent effort to show him her "baby shark" act. These are from people who feel badly for my long and exhausting days, who just want to offer a suggestion that in theory seems FUN, but in reality is HELL. I hate the shape of my kid's bathroom vanity and how it prevents me from being near both of them at all times. I hate that my 2 year old is a little more sturdy and aggressive during play, so she drowns out my 1 year old with a cup of water. I hate how my baby is learning to walk and when he stands up in the tub, all I can imagine is him slipping and hitting his head on the

That Mom Gig

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